Children Will Be children
by Anonymous Santa
Summary: "Mom, how are babies made?" One-shot. Rated T for some a tiny bit of language.
1. Mikan and Natsume Hyuuga

"Mum, how was I made?" a little boy tugged on his mother's skirt, a hopeful look on his face, "How are babies made? I asked Auntie Hotaru, and she told me to ask you." Mikan blinked several times, before her face promptly turned a light shade of crimson, "Mummy?" Mikan bent down and stroked the little boy's head.

"Miko, why would you ask that, sweetie?"

"Well, daddy said that babies are a part of their parents, but I don't get it since the stork delivers us." Mikan stood up, her face darkening. She wiped her wet hands before swiftly walking into the living room, telling Miko to stay were he was as she went.

"Natsume!" she cried. The said person looked up from the newspaper, a dull look on his face.

"What?"

"How dare you encourage Miko to question how he was conceived!"

"…what?"

"He's asking how babies are made!"

"Oh." He looked back at the article he was reading, "So what?" Mikan flared her nostrils.

"_You _tell him!" she grabbed the newspaper from his hands, before crossing her arms and stubbornly sitting down next to him. He sighed, before calling out.

"Miko! Get in here." Miko walked into the living room, before running up to his father.

"Yes, dad?"

"I heard you were asking how we made you." Miko nodded, "Well, one day, I was tried, and we were about to sleep – more specifically, _I_ was about to sleep," he paused, "But she was like '_Let's make love_.' And I was like '_I'm tired_' but she was stubborn and cried, '_Pant's, off, now._' And then we made you – done," he turned back to Mikan," can I read my newspaper now?" Mikan was staring at him.

"No! That's not how it went!" she protested, whilst Natsume just sat back, "Miko, your daddy is a liar."

"Then please," Natsume rolled his eyes, "Enlighten me of how we made _our_ son, because if I remember clearly, you had your eyes closed and I was on top." Mikan glared at him, before smiling sweetly at Miko.

"Honey, it was a dark stormy day, and daddy and I were lonely since, after all," she waved around, "this is a big house; so we called the stork, and he delivered you here –"Natsume snorted.

"Don't tell him that child-ish make believe story – he needs to know the truth."

"This is the truth!" she argued, not wanting to plague her son's mind. Natsume waved her off.

"Son, we had se –"

"-even babies to pick from!" Mikan interrupted, "Yes, we had seven babies to pick from the stork, but we picked you since you were the most charming." Natsume sighed.

"Miko, are you going to believe your mum who failed every class -"

"I did not!"

" - or me who was at the top?" Miko blinked several times.

"I pick dad." Natsume smirked at Mikan's face. Her mouth was hanging open.

"Well Miko," he patted his son's head, "After your mum so rudely interrupted my sleeping, we made love."

"What's making love?"

Mikan groaned, "No! Now we have to tell him what it is! Damn you Natsume! We could have saved some time if we just told him it was the stork!"

"It's when two people –"

"- call the stork!"

"No, it's when two people –"

"– reach for the phone to call the stork –"

"Will you stop it with the stork thing?" he snapped.

"Will you stop it with the vulgar images?" she shot back.

"I'm only telling him what he wants!"

"It's inappropriate!"

"No it's not; it's part of life, and is better off told at a young age so that he surpasses his class."

"Children aren't supposed to know this!"

"He's not a child, he's my little man."

"…what? He's barely seven year's old! He's just a boy!"

"Hyuuga men aren't boys, they're men."

"…ugh!"

"He's better off knowing!"

"Knowing what?" Miko stared from his mum to his dad.

"Know that making love is when –"

"- who wants cookies?"

Miko shook his head, "Mummy, it's almost dinner time; didn't you say that it was a rule not to eat snacks before supper?"

"Crap, that stupid rule…" Mikan muttered.

"He needs to know."

"He does not!"

"Making love is sex." Natsume told Miko before Mikan could interrupt. Mikan face palmed.

"Great! Just great!" she screamed, "Now we have to explain what 'sex' is! Great job you douche bag! GREAT JOB!" she stomped out of the living room, furious. Natsume shrugged.

"For a mum who knows her children well, she doesn't know that you already know what 'sex' is." Miko nodded.

"Yeah, she could have just told me that I was made through sex, and then I wouldn't have bothered."

"Overreaction – I think she's PMsing." Miko nodded again.

"Definitely."


	2. Ruka and Hotaru Nogi

**I got a review saying the wanted a Ruka/Hotaru version! So here it is! Give your thanks to Cha-Cha-Cheescake! Please, be warned, some very mild swearing is involved. **

"Kairu, will you please stop slurping on your noodles? It's really disturbing," Ruka Nogi, sternly, scolded his seven year old daughter. Kairu looked up at him, grinned, and promptly began to shove the noodles into her mouth instead. "Ugh - here, let me." He gently reached his hand and swiped her mouth with a part of his tee-shirt.

"Dh-mffade?"

"Don't talk when your mouth is full."

"Daddy, how was I made?"

Ruka choked on nothing.

"Are you okay, Daddy?"

"Yes - wait, I mean _no!_ Where - how did you - _why_ are you asking this?"

"Miko Hyuuga told me to ask you and mommy. He said he was going to ask his parents too."

Ruka sighed deeply, "Like father like son, eh?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing," he replied quickly, and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He stood up and marched up to the kitchen where Hotaru sat on one of the long tables, drinking a cup of green tea. The robot maids flustered over the dishes in the background, "Hotaru."

She close her eyes, breathed heavily, and looked up at him, "_Yes?_ Did we, or did we not establish the rule that one must not disturb me when I'm in my tea time? Do you want me to reach for my baka-tank or what?"

"Yes, but our daughter is asking _the question!_"

"Well, give her _an answer_ and get the hell out of my kitchen before I force you to." She sipped some tea.

"No, you don't get it! _It's the question!_ The question on how babies are made!"

"Oh." Sip, "So what? Tell her the truth, you blonde twit."

"B-B-But she's seven!"

She raised an eyebrow, "Are you a man or not? What was the reason on why I married you? Are you this much of a wuss?"

"I'm only thinking for the sake of my child! I don't want her mind to be polluted, scarred - or mentally harassed! What if her innocent brain can't take it?"

"She's my blood. Of course, she can take it. Besides, she's hardly innocent. Do you remember her first toy? It was the shape and size of a real peni -"

"ALRIGHT, I do NOT need to remember the details!" Ruka piped in loudly, turning on his heel to call his daughter in. Hotaru just sighed and placed her mug on the table, "Kairu, get in here! Daddy and mommy want to talk with you."

Kairu rushed in, her hair tangled with noodles. Her mouth was stuffed with food. Her purple eyes gazed up at her father, "Yesshhh, Papa?"

"Sweetie, swallow your food," said Hotaru, hopping to her feet to lean on the side of the table, "You require a tutor for proper table manners. Let me just add that to my to do list..." She pulled out a swanky phone and was clicking away on the wide keyboard.

"_Anyway_," Ruka bent down to sweep Kairu off her feet, and onto his shoulders, "What was the question you wanted to ask us, Kai?"

"Uhn, how are babies made?"

Hotaru spoke up, her eyes still glued onto the screen, "Simple. There's a baby factory down the street."

"_Really?_" Kairu looked excited, "Can you take me here? I wanna see how babies are formed!"

Ruka gave Hotaru an odd look.

"What?" she asked, "Weren't you the one who wanted to protect her virgin-mind?"

"What's a virgin?" Kairu was confused.

"Do not use that word, honey; it's improper." Ruka chided through clenched teeth from Kairu's trashing, he continued directing his words to Hotaru. "And I thought you wanted to tell her the truth?"

"Virgin!" Kairu giggled and repeated enthusiastically, "Virgin, virgin!"

"Stop, Kai," Ruka warned, and tried his best not to let his child fall, "Hotaru, can you -"

"Tell her to shut the hell up, darling," as bluntly as ever, Hotaru pushed her phone back into her jeans, "I love hearing my daughter's voice, but not so early in morning."

"Shut the hell up, Virgin darling!" Kairu was laughing harder. "Shut up, Darling Virgin of Hell!"

"Kairu! Please don't use those -"

"Shut, shat, shoot, sheet, shet, shot, _shit _- Oh! Daddy Daddy! I made a new word! Shit! See? It's like 'shut' in shut up, but I changed one letter!"

Hotaru smiled. "That's great, sweetheart. Now repeat after me."

"Okay!"

"Shut the well up, shut-y virgin darling of Peru." Hotaru pronounced each word clearly, but quickly.

"Shit the up hell up, slutty virgin darling of Poo?"

"HOTARU!"

"Yes, honey?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING KAIRU?"

"I thought you wanted to stray the conversation on how she was conceived? I was only trying to help."

"Poo! Poo! Poo-pee-poo!" Kairu chanted with a huge grin, "Daddy! I learned new words today!"

"DON'T FORCE BAD WORDS INTO MY DAUGHTER'S MIND!"

"Aren't vulgar images the only thing you wanted to keep out of her mind? Dear me... make final choices, honey, or else don't ask me for help." Hotaru shook her head, showed one hint of a sly smile, and promptly strode out of the kitchen.

"Oooh, oh, oh, oh! Can we go to the baby factory now? Can we? CAN WE?"

"HOTARU NOGI! GET BACK HERE OR ELSE!"

And so, Ruka was left in the kitchen, to feed the wild imaginations of a seven year old child, thrashing on his shoulders.


End file.
